On Being Nice -- OR -- An Accidental Rant on Rape Culture

Sorry I'm not sorry for the sudden turn this post takes...

-K

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So, I was watching Dance Moms the other day...
(That's how all the intellectual folks start off blog posts, right?)

Anyways, one of the moms (don't ask me who, I'm not hooked enough to know their names) said something along the lines of, "Well, it can't hurt to be nice to her!"  And that got me thinking.

Does it really ever hurt to be nice to people?!  Sure, all you pragmatic folks are thinking "Yes!" and will cite examples from pop culture where altruistic heroes are "too nice" to the bad guys and blah, blah, blah.  Or maybe you'll cite evidence from your love life where you trusted someone and they tore your heart out anyways. Sure, that stuff happens.  But is it really the fault of the nice person that their actions backfire like that? NO!

When it comes down to it, we really just need to nix the idea that one can ever be too nice or too polite, because that's not the problem at all.  The idea that one can get hurt by being too nice is exactly the same idea that sometimes rape victims are asking for it. Maybe you're thinking that's too far of a jump, but I certainly don't.  Our patriarchal rape culture is exactly the reason we tend to think it's the fault of the nice person when some jerk causes them pain because "they should have expected it." And we make judgments like that all the time.

Let's take a look at some examples, shall we?

• Sirius didn't die because Harry is "too nice" and has a "saving people thing," he died because Death Eaters are assholes.
• Regina didn't cast the Curse because Snow White was "too nice" and didn't execute her when she had the chance, she cast the Curse because she's an asshole. (Save the hate, Evil Regals, I'm just making a point! I know, poor hurt baby Regina, poor Daniel, etc, etc.)
• He didn't break your heart because you were "too nice" and let him get close, he broke your heart because he's an asshole.

Do you see the trend here? It's shocking how completely the problem of victim blaming has seeped into our culture.  We are so quick to say "It was my own fault that I got hurt" rather than "Gosh, that person's a meanie-butt and hurt me!" 

It's time that this trend ends.  Let's call a spade a spade and an asshole an asshole.  Together, we can nix the idea of being "too nice" and "too kind" for good, and eventually overthrow the patriarchy!! 

To lighten the mood, I leave you with Guys Like Potter from A Very Potter Sequel!

"So many douche bags in the world..."